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The Mail Bag! Sometimes folks just like to say "hello". But not to us. |
From: David Olsen To: mailbag@grumblemagazine.com Subject: Not With a 10 Foot Poll I'm happy to report that I am a bleedin' heart liberal and I have been officially polled. Ironically, I got the phone call not more 15 minutes after I read a Wall Street Journal article fragment over someone's shoulder in the subway about polling. I only read a couple of paragraphs, but I got the essence of the article which reported that polling may not be as accurate as it used to be since the percentage who hang up immediately thinking that it's a telemarketer has increased over the years mitigating the randomness and possibly skewing the results. As I got off the subway, I made a silent vow to myself, that no matter what else I'd rather be doing, I would participate in a poll if I could. Seconds after I got home, I received a phone call from a pollster putting my word to the test. With my honor at stake (even if I was the only one who knew) I answered the questions (putting a big fat "unfavorable" for Dubya's approval) despite missing a new episode of "The Daily Show." Interestingly enough, it was not a human at the other end of the line, but a recorded voice, and they simply tallied my vote via my touch-tone phone, so there was little to fear from a bored student playing with the results. A real professional job. Strangely, I felt more powerful being a part of that poll than I did in voting, an act I performed just the previous day.
Personally, we feel powerful just watching "The Daily Show", so we can only imagine.
From: arab common market fair To: mailbag@grumblemagazine.com الى عناية رجال الأعمال العرب تحية عربية وبعد موضوع الملتقى الثاني الاقتصادي الصناعي الاستثماري للسوق العربية المشتركة من 28 - 29 / 8 / 2002 الذي يرافق الدورة الثانية - لمعرض السوق العربية المشتركة الاقتصادي الصناعي الاستثماري من 27 - 31 /8 / 2002 تتوجة امانة اللجنة المنظمة للملتقى والمعرض للسوق العربية المشتركة الى السادة رجال الأعمال العرب وأصحاب الفعاليات الاقتصادية والصناعية والتجارية والمستثمرين الممولين العرب للمشاركة بالملتقى والمعرض الاقتصادي الصناعي الاستثماري للسوق العربية المشتركة
We're pretty sure this was spam, sent using a non-Latin character set.Either that, or we're being contacted by the computer in The Matrix.
From: Mike Jittlov To: mailbag@grumblemagazine.com The mystery may be solved... In: http://www.grumblemagazine.com/articles/oy/honeymoon/honeymoon.html > No one liked my "Sconehenge" joke in the nearby cafe. > I blame the cold weather. Or you can blame me. I've told the good cooks at the Stonehenge bakery -- in 1993 AND in 1995 -- that they should thus rename their fine little dough-droppings. They smiled for the Handicam, but I suspect they still have not gotten hep to the cliché-hungry touristados. BTW -- Good travelogging! Keep up the highlarity!
We're not about to blame the Wizard of Speed and Time for anything other than not making more films. Thanks for dropping us a line, Mike! -Fish
From: "Paul V" To: mailbag@grumblemagazine.com I am a business owner . And I am sick of the Liberal (homo) slant your Government Agency puts on everthing. Get a life you sicko's...The establishment is itself the greatest purveyor of hate in our world today. They reserve their greatest hate for those whites who refuse to bow to the ruling class demand that we mix our genes with [several more paragraphs of white separatist ranting follow]
Whoa. Hey, stay with us! We're here in Sodom and Gomorrah, and you're veering off into Aryan Nation La-La Land.Regardless, Paul has exposed our deepest secret here at Grumble: yes, we are a Government Agency. Since May 1999 we have been owned and operated by the Department of Agriculture, Tobacco Control, and Unmarked Black Helicopters. From now on, please read us at our new URL, http://grumblemagazine.newworldorder.un.gov.
-Fish
From: "Scott @ Rocky" To: mailbag@grumblemagazine.com interesting information for you idiots god is all forgiving even though the fags are goin to hell hthey may recieve retribution and forguiveness while on earth
Hey, Scott-Thanks for your advice. May we offer you some in return? First of all, we'd like to call your attention to your keyboard. There are, in fact, more than 26 keys on the keyboard. Some of them are called "punctuation", used to indicate the end of a phrase or sentence. See that little dot I just typed after "sentence"? It's called a period. (I'll wait until you've mastered the comma before I begin to talk about your use of the Shift key.)
Also, in the upper right of your keyboard, you'll see a key called "Del" or "Backspace". This is used to delete letters you don't want, such as when you type "hthey", or when you misspell "receive" or "forgiveness". Then again, we wouldn't expect you to be using the word "forgiveness" much, so we'll overlook that one.
Now go back to reading Romans 1:26-27 and pretending it was Jesus, and not Paul, who said it. Because Jesus didn't say it, see. It was a man from Tarsus, one who never met Jesus, who said it. Paul said a lot of things that he was quite sure God thought. That's a lotta chutzpah when you think about it.
But it's okay. Because we're quite sure he received retribution and forgiveness while on earth.
-Fish