Grumble - Toots' Handy Moving Tips

-by Toots

I had the misfortune this past spring to have to search for rental housing in the San Francisco Bay Area. For the unaware amongst you, the Bay Area is currently one of the tightest housing markets in the country. So, here are my handy-dandy tips for finding an empty apartment, moving, and nesting.

Leaving Your Old Place

If the housing market is as tight as the Bay Area's, first ponder whether or not you really need to move. If you're living in a rent-controlled apartment, reconsider -- again. In my case, I pondered it for a good long time, and then the ravaging mildew convinced me that moving was in my best interest. But if you can do something about the problems in your place first, do so.

Finding a New Place

Ok, so you've decided that you are tired of living in a B-movie where the villain is mildew. Or your friends have convinced you that jumping at every slamming door, thinking it's gunfire, is not healthy for your psyche. Or maybe your landlord is using some loophole to kick you out so s/he can jack up the rent. Whatever. Next, you have to find a place to live.

Questions to ask yourself:

How much space do I need? (not want: need)

How much can I afford/ what's my upper limit?

Am I living with other people, and what are their opinions on what constitutes a "good place"?

What neighborhoods would I like to live in?

If I can't live there, what neighborhoods would I feel safe living in?

Do they accept pets? (if necessary; Significant Others who stay at your house all the time do not count)

What amenities do I really really want? (parking, laundry, disposal, pool, air conditioning, working stove...)

So then you've figured out what you want. The next step is to actually go through the newspaper, online housing listings, rental agencies, etc., and get yourself a list of places that look good on paper. Some tips to help you with this stage, all from experience:

"Cosy" invariably means "too small for you".

"An extra bedroom" can sometimes be referring to the living room.

"Secure bars on the windows" means "we have a lot of thefts here".

"Separate dining room" sometimes means "eat-in-kitchen".

DO check out the place thoroughly before you move in. If it's not well maintained, it's not going to be after you move in. This is directly counter to what people are told through rental agencies. These agencies tell prospective tenants not to fuss about how nice a place is until after they've moved in. The fact is, landlords in the Bay Area do not have incentives to maintain anything. If they do maintain, then they will for you. If they don't, they can always find another tenant. So if rotting walls and floors are a big no-no, don't expect a landlord to fix it just for you. Ever. On the other hand, some places are just so run-down that the landlord can't afford to fix it. It's not that there's something nasty about the landlord, but would you still want to live there?

DON'T give the landlord money unless you know you are going to live there or can get it back (and yes, $40 a person is too much for a credit check. Damn you, I want my money back!).

DO put down 6 months of rent ahead of time if you think it will allow you to secure a really good place. Especially if you have a dog. It is very difficult to find a place that allows dogs around here.

DON'T admit that your cat throws up on the carpets if the landlady is unsure of you.

DO play up that you are a professional/quiet/grad student/can pay your rent/keep the place well-maintained.

DON'T look at places advertised by a known slumlord under federal investigation for importing minor girls for sexual purposes, unless it's very clear that he's cleaning up his act. However, if he is, you may be able to get very good deals from him.

DO talk to other people who have the landlord you're going to get.

DON'T bother with open houses, especially in a place like the Bay area, where some landlords require you to write essays. They also tend to be filled with 50 prospective tenants. do you really want to be one of 50 prospective tenants who are all vying for the attention of a landlord/lady?

DO ask yourself, "Would my parents cringe if they saw me living here?"

DON'T believe the landlady who says, "the other place is just the same size, if you wait a month", even if she seems nice. She's wrong. The place you think you have waiting for you is not the same size, at all. It's much smaller.

DO kill any friends who don't pass along the lead about the inexpensive place next door when they know you're looking hard for a place. They are not your friends. They are obviously evil aliens inhabiting your friends' bodies.

Moving

Moving's not much of a joy. But it does help you figure out who your friends are. Remember, good friends help you move; really good friends help you move all your books. (Or bodies.)

DO get rid of as much as possible: clothes, papers, books, etc. No, really. If you haven't used it in three years and it has no sentimental value, get rid of it. Good Will, Salvation Army, etc. will appreciate it. As my stepmother (formerly the FLS – Famous Literary Scholar, and currently the WSM – Wicked Step Mother) says, "get rid of gifts you didn't like. It's been months since your birthday. That's plenty of time!"

DON'T rent from U-Haul if they have a "help wanted" sign in the window. They will be slow and incompetent. Only one staff member will be qualified to use the computer system to see if your (now lost) reservation is there.

DO pack everything before your friends show up.

DON'T go with a moving company (if going cross country) that's cheaper than renting a U-Haul or Ryder truck, unless (a) you don't expect your stuff to arrive for a few months, and (b) you've insured everything and documented it all. Extensively.

DO get as many friends to help you move as you can. Even if some are bored, the camaraderie can be very helpful. Feed them afterwards, as good food as you can afford.

DON'T invite friends to help you move who can't take direction from you. The last thing you want at this time is for someone to laugh at you and put your huge bookcase in the wrong place.

DO play good music while you move.

DON'T drink orange juice after brushing your teeth with toothpaste. Trust me.

DO wait to move the pets as the last step.

DON'T worry about potential psychodramas if you have current and past boyfriends together helping you move. Either they'll be mature adults, or they'll regress into Neanderthals who try to compete in terms of how much they can carry. Women should understand that this is actually to your advantage. (Note: this may not work for ex- and current girlfriends, however).

Nesting

Now you've moved in to your new place. Boxes are everywhere. You need to unpack them, maybe bond with your new roommate, or get used to not having one anymore. do all these things, and more. Eat out the first few days. don't even bother trying to cook. You'd have to wash all those newspaper fingerprints off your glasses anyway.

If you like the style, Ikea is your friend. Ikea is not that expensive. However, Ikea is cheap because they leave a lot of the furniture process up to the customer. That includes putting everything together. do you really want to spend four hours putting together your dresser? If so, then do it. If not, then don't. There's a massive sense of accomplishment in putting together your own furniture, and Ikea stuff comes with pretty good directions. The only problem is that sometimes, they forget to include pieces, and often, pegs and holes don't line up perfectly. Well, quit your kvetching, you only spent $30 on that cabinet anyway.

Nesting do's and don'ts:

DO decorate with your housemate(s), if you have one. You really don't want to get into a situation where you hate what they've done later. Fortunately, my housemate and I have already taken this advice.

DON'T expect to get any work done the first two weeks you've moved in, unless you own nothing.

DO have people over as soon as it's clear. It'll make the place feel more like a home to be hangin' with your friends, even if you still have some boxes around.

DO get a vacuum cleaner that works.

DO be sure to have a good toolkit. It goes a long way, even if you don't know what all the tools do.

DON'T wait to unpack. Get off your lazy ass and just do it.

DO have a housewarming party.

DON'T invite over 100 people to your housewarming. Especially if you're in a two-bedroom apartment.

Once you've settled, bake some bread, muffins, cake, or something to celebrate. The smell is one of the nicest ways to make an apartment feel like a home. Then put up your feet on your coffee table, eat your muffin, and enjoy your new place!