I know the economy isn't officially in a depression yet, but it still needs to start seeking help. The economy's past couple days of cheer notwithstanding, I'm worried about it. It's staying in a lot, not hanging out with friends. It gets very insecure whenever any major companies look like they're going to have a bad day, and it either explodes into anger or stays in bed all day.

The economy is wondering if it was right to be so happy a couple years ago. Things seemed so good. Was it all a delusion? Was it in denial over some deep-rooted problems? Should it have looked at its CEOs' ethics a little more closely, even if it was having so much fun? Will it ever be happy again?

It's hard to remember the good times when you're depressed. The economy has been watching too much TV lately – trying to distract itself with thoughts of war and how it's better than those people on Jerry Springer. It's too depressed to see that war won't pick it up at all. Well, maybe the defense sectors will get a little better, but you and I know that those never really give back to the economy. They just take and take, and use up precious resources. The economy will only pick up again when the defense money gets switched to more useful things, like renewable energy sources. But anger is better than depression, right? Anger is empowering, right?

The economy will keep on watching daytime talk shows and eating Cup o' Noodles ramen until something serious changes. It hasn't taken a shower in a few days. It hasn't gotten to the point where it's too apathetic to even think of showering, exactly – as the experts say, it's not technically depressed. But it thinks that no one loves it anyway, so what's the point in showering? Same with exercising, though we all know the economy could use a good run around the block.

If a false sense of happiness (or psychoactive drugs) will help the economy, it will only do so if the economy takes real steps to improve itself (and then gets off the drugs). Otherwise, the economy will slip into depression again. "Nothing's really, changed," it'll say. "I'm still the poser I always was. I'm not really that strong."

It's bad enough that the economy is moody, but it makes everyone else on edge, too. Even employed people can feel it. They show up for work in the morning and have to brace themselves just to get through the day. They wonder when it's all going to fall apart or explode.

C'mon, economy. We do love you. Let's try to work on those problems. We're counting on you.