Allow me to bring you back to the glory of New Orleans. The music is playing, the Mississippi River is flowing. I work nights as a pianist for a traveling group, and as such, I tend to sleep during the daytime. Generally, I would wake up at eleven, or noon, hang out in town for a while, get dinner, do my show, and go out in the evening until three or four in the morning.

Welcome back to the Pal-Ass hotel. I eventually got my fax, but not through some small struggle. After that, I spent a bit more of my time outdoors and away from the hotel. I found a lovely spot by the water to just sit and do some reading, I went on a boat ride at one point, and I think I even found a basketball court that wasn't covered in weeds. Still, every once in a while I had to go back to the hotel and sleep. And that's all I really wanted to do. Sleeping is a joy no one gets to experience quite to its fullest extent. I mean, you're asleep. How much can you enjoy it? Although it's clearly possible to actually enjoy it less. Waking up involuntarily is the perfect medicine if you want to end the bliss of sleep.

The Flea Storage Center provided me with more brilliance, this time from the not-so-bright cleaning staff. While the absolutely idiocy of the employees at the front desk was enough to both enrage and fascinate me, it was the thoroughly counter-productive nature of the maid's work ethic that inspired me this time. I call this portion of the story "The Housekeeping Episode."

Scene 1

        Time: 9:00am
        Place: The Big Jew's room.


[THE BIG JEW (hereafter TBJ) is sleeping. There is a knock at
the door.]

VOICE: HOUSEKEEPING!
TBJ [stumbling out of bed -- HINT: This is not pretty]: What?
VOICE: Housekeeping. Do you want your room done?
TBJ: Not now.
VOICE: Okay.

        [TBJ goes back to sleep.]

Scene 2

        Time: 9:20am

        [TBJ is sleeping. There is a knock at the door.]

VOICE: HOUSEKEEPING!
TBJ [again, stumbling to the door]: NOT. NOW.

        [There is another knock at the door.]

VOICE: HOUSEKEEPING!

        [TBJ goes to the door, opens it, pulls the 'DO NOT
         DISTURB' sign from the doorknob, reads it carefully, 
         and puts it back on the doorknob. TBJ closes the 
         door, saying not a word.]

Scene 3

        Time: 1:00pm

        [TBJ is watching television. There is a knock at the door.]

VOICE: HOUSEKEEPING!

        [TBJ goes to the door. He opens it. He looks at the 
         housekeeping person. He looks at the sign that says 'DO 
         NOT DISTURB'. He looks at the housekeeping person.]

HOUSEKEEPING PERSON: I know it says don't disturb you, but...


        [TBJ lifts the 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign from the doorknob. He
         examines it again, very carefully. He holds it out for the 
         HOUSEKEEPING PERSON, as if to offer the reading material 
         to her. She seems disinterested.]

HOUSEKEEPING PERSON: Well, I like to clean all the rooms, so...
TBJ: I think we're all set.
HOUSEKEEPING PERSON: You need towels? Soap? Beds made? Anything?
TBJ: We. Are. All. Set. Thank. You.
HOUSEKEEPING PERSON: A few towels, maybe?
TBJ: Fine. Give. Me. A. Few. Towels.


        [HOUSEKEEPING PERSON gives TBJ towels. TBJ closes the door.]

Scene 4

        Time: 1:05pm. Same day.


        [There is a knock at the door.]

VOICE: HOUSEKEEPING.
TBJ: We don't need anything! THANK YOU!!!!

Some people choose a path in life, or are given a path in life, and they have a very simple agenda. And if this person's life were a Choose Your Own Adventure book (which remain in my mind as one of the singularly greatest creations of all time), she would have this to follow:

• You look at the door. The "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN" is there. Do you...
  1. Walk away quietly and check the next door?
  2. Knock loudly and piss off the tenant?

Really quite simple. Why these basic choices in life are so difficult for some people, I don't know. Maybe their school wasn't equipped with interactive toys, and these children grew up with no awareness of other people in their universe. Maybe they were given one too many chemistry sets as a kid, and they drank some potion they made (brown, but a bit fruity-flavored), and it destroyed whatever lobe of their brain in which common sense is stored. Maybe in their culture (whatever it might be), "Do Not Disturb" means "Annoy Your Guests." I guess I'm lucky that I don't understand their thinking. If I did, I might be one of them. Instead, I don't get it.