-by Sailor Mur

I hate pink. It reminds me of cotton candy and delicate don't-get-dirty little girl dresses. Adults who wear pink look like mistakes.

I gave birth to a daughter last year. Before she was born, we didn't know the sex of the kid, and told everyone we could that if it was a girl, we didn't want pink gifts. Some reactions were neutral: "OK, Sailor Mur, whatever you say, it's your kid." Some were astonished: "You don't like pink???" as if I was required to like it once I had a girl. Some understood completely: my hematologist has 5-year-old fraternal twins and told me that when she was pregnant she also asked for no pink clothes. One woman told her that her daughter would end up a lesbian if she didn't wear pink. I had no idea a color was so powerful. (Interestingly, I know a lesbian who wore a lot of pink when she was a little girl.)

I've been doing a lot of thinking about pink lately. I am firm about not dressing my daughter in it before she learns a preference for it. When she is old enough to show desire for pink things, then fine, I'll accommodate her. However, while it's my decision, she wears neutral stuff.

But really, why am I so against pink?

The major pink delivery device for little girls is the Barbie doll. As a feminist, I've been trained to hate Barbie morphing little girls' view of what a woman should look like, her sexless relationship with pathetic Ken, and her little shoes. Why do we really hate her, though? (Let's get one thing clear. I don't like what Barbie has done to the female impression of beauty. But Barbie is reviled for so many other things that I'm not sure she's worthy of.)

Fifty or so years ago, men and women were split along a definitive line. Women stayed at home, didn't get educated (or got educated as only teachers, secretaries, or nurses), cooked casseroles, enjoyed mah jong and rummy, disliked sex, and were physically weak, nurturing, and unassertive. Men went to work, got degrees, drank martinis, played golf, had sex with secretaries, were buff, gruff and aggressive. Women were viewed as second-class citizens, along with everything associated with women.

Now we have had many women blaze the trail towards equality. Women can now be viewed as workers, assertive, athletic, intelligent – all of those things that men were. We've abandoned those "womanly" things because they were bad; they were associated with that time. We failed to realize that women were viewed as second-class for many more reasons than the fact that we were nurses and mothers and physically weak. And yet, nowadays, if one wants to be a nurse, people ask why she doesn't want to be a doctor – we know that nurses don't make near as much as doctors, but it is a noble career. When she wants to be a stay-at-home mom to nurture her children, we wonder why she's abandoning her career. We say women are getting to be equal citizens, but we still treat traditionally womanly things as crap.

If a man uses skin care products, gets a manicure, takes a bubble bath, collects teddy bears, enjoys romance movies, and cooks with an apron, he's considered gay or a pussy. Men will shun him and women will feel uncomfortable around him, unless he is gay; then he'll be their best friend. It doesn't matter why he does these things; he's less of man for doing them.

How often do you hear "cry like a girl" or "throw like a girl?" Girls are weak and bad. How often do you see boys or men wear pink? Pink is a girl's color, therefore weak and bad. If girls play with trucks and building materials, they are expanding their minds. If boys play with dolls, they're going to be pansies or – god forbid – a homosexual.

I dress my daughter in blue or green, and people may assume she's a boy but don't really react badly when I tell them she's a girl. If I dressed a boy in pink, everyone would assume that the kid was going to have serious gender issues when he got older.

The deal is I don't want to dress my daughter in something that's not considered "good enough" for a boy. I don't want someone to look at her and think, "Ah, a girl. A delicate, crying, poor-throwing, Barbie-playing, pink-wearing sub-human."

Then again, how do we accept the "womanly" things in life? When will we actually decide that playing house, chick flicks, and dolls aren't bad? When will boys want to go see Harriet Potter as eagerly as girls want to go see Harry Potter? Seems we still have a ways to go.

I wonder, as well, if this is a male problem or a female problem. It is true that women have more choices now. As I said, I can dress my daughter in anything, pants, dresses, pink or blue. If I had a boy, I certainly couldn't dress him in dresses or pink. Women can go see Die Hard or She's Having a Baby and no one cares. Men can only see She's Having a Baby if they have that "she dragged me here" look on their faces and have the "she" in question beside them. People raise their eyebrows at male nurses, but not female doctors. Men who take time off for paternity leave are looked down upon by society, but maternity leave is expected.

Pink is a wretched color. But just like you can hate a <insert race other than yours here> person cause they happen to be an asshole but not because of their race, let's hate pink because it's a wretched color, not because it's a girly color.