-by MOTHER

Dear team: Okay, so I was wrong to take up para-gliding. Maybe it just wasn't the right sport for me. But I've been thinking, I really shouldn't be getting into hobbies. I should get a job, earn some money. It's time I start saving for retirement, and what better way to build up capital than opening my own business?? With that in mind, I went to a franchising fair over the weekend and investigated different businesses I could buy a franchise for. There were all sorts of possibilities: rug cleaning (steam or chemical), hot pretzel carts, door-to-door wig sales, dog walking services, musical doorbells shops. But the one that really appealed to me was a Starbucks Coffee franchise. Can you see me standing behind a mighty expresso machine, turning our lattés and cappuccinos? I'd have a sparkling glass case of biscotti and brownies and a growling coffee grinder to custom grind whole beans for my customers. I'd have a few little tables for regulars and every morning I'd feature newspapers from major metropolises around the world. The key to successful franchising, however, is location, location, location. And I have a doozy of an idea! I have optioned the right to establish the only Starbucks on Mount Everest!! Yeah! Isn't that great? I have a nice little crevice about 15,000 feet up. Everest is the latest trendy adventure destination, and you know as well as I do that trendy people drink lots of $4.00 coffee drinks. I've already contacted the Nepal Chamber of Commerce and they assure me staffing will be no problem. There seem to be a lot of sherpas eager to give up hauling amateurs up the mountain. I figure during the season we can add oxygen to our menu -- we'll get premium oxygen from some unspoiled Pacific island. And we can put in a tank-recycling center out in front. I read that several thousand Americans, Japanese and Europeans attempt the trek each year and many, many end up turning back. Well, won't I have the perfect waiting room for the exhausted and overwhelmed as they wait for their companions? I figure they'll drink up a storm as they wait. And of course, the successful climbers will really need a mocha on the way down. Here's the question: The franchising instructions strongly suggest putting in a paved parking area right by the front door -- improves chances for impulse drinking -- but I'm thinking if it is unpaved, then maybe teams with set up their base camps right in front of me. Great for business, huh? I can just see them, bundled up in their parkas, rolling out of their sleeping bags, unzipping their tent flaps and charging in for coffee and a glance at the headlines in the New York Times! My husband is kind of iffy on the project. He thinks the money would be better invested in a McDonald's franchise. But I think he's wrong. First of all, a Big Mac is very heavy on the stomach when you are climbing with ice pick and crampons. And second of all, a lot of these climbers are "the body is a temple" types, who wouldn't put that kind of crap into their mouths anyways... What do you think? I have until Tuesday to sign the contract. Let me know, I need your feedback...