"So I finally saw that sequel to that movie."

"What movie?"

"That movie that came out."

"That movie?"

"Yeah."

"Dude, that's been out for what, three years? You're just seeing it now?"

"I had stuff to do. That thing's like three hours long. You gotta sorta plan it out. I mean, I went to the midnight showing of the first one and I got out at four o'clock in the morning. I mean, don't people have jobs and stuff?"

"So how was it?"

"Well, the theater wasn't full of nerds this time."

" 'Course not, dude, they've all seen it like eighteen bazillion times already."

"Yeah. Anyway, I moved and found this great theater where they serve food and booze and you can eat and drink and watch the movie there."

"Sweet. How was it?"

"Great microbrews."

"No, dude, the sequel to that movie that came out."

"Oh, right. Well..."

"Yeah?"

"...I didn't get it."

"Again? Dude. That's not good."

"Well, I mean, I can barely remember who these people were from the first movie. I mean, there was that guy, and that other guy, and I remember those older guys, Scaramanga and that Magnet dude, but then there's this whole buncha new guys now."

"Were all those short guys in it again?"

"Oh yeah, they were in it. I wish they weren't. And Liv Tyler was in it again."

"She take her shirt off this time?"

"No. I mean, dude, Geez, I've sat through what, six hundred hours of this stuff and there wasn't so much as a flash of thigh. You'd think the audience was scared to death of girls or something."

"You'd think."

"I mean, after the seething hostility I encountered during the first movie, I'm almost inclined to believe that."

'I hear ya, dude."

"I just don't think a little skin's too much to ask for six hours of my life."

"Well, didn't you like anything about The Sequel To That Movie That Came Out?"

"Oh, yeah. The fight scenes were bitchin'."

"Better than How To Make An American Quilt?"

"Loads better, dude. I wish there was more of them. I mean, you get all keyed up during the big battle in that Magic Kingdom castle thingy they got carved outa the side of that mountain, and then they cut to a bunch of talking trees, fer Crissakes."

"Yeah, that was pretty lame."

"I mean, dude, less talking plants, more stabbing things."

"True dat."

"I sorta needed the fight scenes to figure out what the hell was going on, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like first of all I can hardly tell most of these guys apart, 'cuz they've all got long hair and beards and they're all named things like Polygon and Sousaphone, and the movie's not very well lit..."

"That's called atmosphere, dude."

"I don't care, I could barely make them out. Except for that short dude with the ax, not the other short dudes, I mean, this guy had a pair, but then there was this other dude..."

"What other dude?"

"The other dude who was really getting on my nerves. You know."

"No, who?"

"The blonde one, whatsisname, Lego or something. Stupid name, you ask me."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Well, they're always in these battles, and everyone's stabbing and hacking and getting wounded and dirty and all that and Mr. Wonderful's all poncing around and shooting people with his bow, 'cuz he's like an archer, which means all he does is scamper around the periphery of the battlefield and only does hand-to-hand combat if the attack plan goes all to shit, otherwise it's all Ooo I Can't Be Bothered With Swordfighting Or I'll Muss My Hair..."

"...Uh-huh..."

"And he's all leaping on to horses at full gallop and boogie-boarding down the staircase while shooting freaking arrows at the enemy, I mean, gimme a break."

"That did seem far-fetched."

"I mean, I watch the X-Games and Tony Hawk'd kick his butt."

"...Uh-huh..."

"And then he starts rubbing it in everyone's face, like when the other guy fell off the cliff and floated down the river and made out with Liv Tyler but she was still fully clothed, you know that scene?"

"Yeah. I didn't get that scene."

"It was a subtle metaphorical hearkening back to the classic medieval archetype pairing of the young warrior king and the earth maiden/goddess, e.g. Arthur and the Lady of the Lake, etc., if you will."

"Oh, right."

"Yeah, and he gets out of the river and makes it back to the castle and Lego's all, 'You're late,' and dude, I coulda punched him right in his grill right there."

"Oh, yeah."

"I mean, I'd bell all like, 'Dude, I was slightly inconvenienced insofar as I FELL OFF A FREAKIN' CLIFF, or don't you remember that from like THREE FREAKIN' SCENES AGO?!"

"Tell it, dude."

"Seriously, I mean, get off my case, dude. I don't need this from some dude named after a bunch of those plastic snap-together bricks that toddlers always eat."

"Exactly."

"He's only in the movie for the eye candy factor, I'm convinced."

"The eye candy factor?"

"You know, to bring the chicks in."

"I don't think a lot of chicks would necessarily go to this movie."

"Oh, they went, dude. It was embarrassing. I mean, just 'cuz the guy's got long golden tresses and alabaster skin and a tight sinewy body and perfect Aryan looks– "

"Dude. DUDE. Snap out of it."

"...Sorry."

"That's OK. So the sequel was sort of a wash, then?"

"Eh. It was OK, considering."

"Well, maybe the third one'll be better."

"...There's a third one?"

"Dude, it's like, a trilogy. I mean, they haven't even thrown that ring thingy into the Big Fireplace of Doom or whatever yet."

"Oh, yeah. Y'know, I gotta problem with that whole ring thingy dealie, too."

"Yeah? What's the problem?"

"Well, if the bad guy made this ring thingy, and he lost it in some battle or something...which, I mean, c'mon, take care of your shit, dude..."

"Yeah?"

"Well, why doesn't he just make another ring?"

"Doesn't work that way, dude."

"Why not?"

" 'Cuz there can be only one ring, dude."

"There can be only one."

"Yup."

"Don't you start going all Highlander on me, dude. I got problems with that movie, too."

"Don't we all."

"What's with all this 'there can be only one' stuff?"

"That's what I'm told."

"Who told you that?"

"Got it off some website. There's a bunch of them out there. People who like the movies go on them and talk about the movies and stuff like that."

"It doesn't make sense."

"It's what they said, dude."

"Well, maybe they're not thinking it through enough."

"What do you mean?"

"It seems perfectly logical to me. Maybe I should go on some of these websites and argue the point to them."

"Go for it, dude."

"Yeah, I will. I mean, they're probably a reasonable enough bunch of folks. I'm sure they'll accept the validity of my arguments."

"Very probably."