- as dictated to Fish

Hi. I'm not usually the editorial-writing type, but there's a few things I had to get off my back, and I got a lot of back, so here goes. Now, I think it's pretty fair to say that you shouldn't be judged by your grandkids, or your grandkids' kids, or any of your descendants. Right? I mean, if I was a human grandfather, and my descendants were all running around with their baseball caps on backwards and their loud thumpa-thumpa music and their oversized pants hanging down below their underwear, I wouldn't want it reflecting on me. No sir. And I wouldn't assume from looking at those kids that their elders were all obscenity-dropping baggy-pantsed fans of Sean "Puffy" Combs. That's why I'm getting a little ticked at being judged based on my own descendants. For about a century you people have been guessing what we were like based on how our idiot kids' kids act. And I hardly think that's fair. Don't think for a second we want anything to do with those lizards you have nowadays! Lazy good-for-nothings can't even be bothered to warm their own blood! No, back in my day, we had drive! And ambition! Not like today, when all they want to do is lay eggs and sit around on a warm rock. No, we spent our time heating our own innards. And it meant we had to go out there and work to find the calories to do it, you bet, but we had principles back then. And feathers. Of course we had feathers. Can't believe it took you this long to figure that out. Kids nowadays got no sense of modesty, running around with their green skins naked to the sky. Now really! Now, don't get me wrong. Those kids of ours you got around you, they're not all bad. I'm pretty proud of the birds, for instance. They wear feathers like decent people, and warm their own blood, and we always knew that musical talent would take them somewhere. But I'm a bit disappointed about their size, though. Kind of wimpy-looking, if you ask me, and they've got fragile bones like a pantywaist. But still, at least they're better than the geckos, or those weirdo fruits the chameleons. Oh, and while I'm at it, "T. Rex" is pretty annoyed you called him a "tyrant". Oh, sure, he was a real pain in the neck a lot of the time, but did you ever sit through a planning meeting with the stegosaurs? Bunch of bossy little bastards, I tell you, talk your ear off and blow their lid if you didn't like their ideas. But I will say that, except for the feathers thing, that filmmaker guy did get the velociraptors down pat, pack of arrogant punks they were. So all I'm saying is, stop lumping us in with the lizards. Or the birds, too (no offense, birds.) If it weren't for the occasional stray meteor, you mammals would be running on little wheels in cages in our living rooms, sucking water out of a little bottle and eating "primate pellets". (Sorry to put it like that, but I have to call 'em like I see 'em. That's how I was raised.) So would you like it if, somewhere down the line, when the sentient cockroaches rule the earth, they start making movies about you based on the hairless, waddling, weakling endomorphs you're all going to evolve into? If your answer is "no", then I'm just saying, give us a little respect. Thank you for your time.