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| -a memo from Fish |
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To : Grumble staff From : Fish Subject : Web searches When you use your Web browser to call up a Web page, your computer asks the Web site to send it the files it needs, and in turn, it gives the Web site a few pieces of information: the name and version of your Web browser, your operating system, and so on. The idea is that the Web page can use this information to customize the content for you. Included in this information is the address of the page you're coming from. If you entered the Web address in by hand, this will obviously be blank. But if you've clicked on a link, the address of the referring page is sent to the server. Now, did you ever notice that if you go to a search engine and ask it to find, say, "photos of Jack Lemmon", you'll get sent to page named something like this? http://www.searchengine/results.asp?photos+of+Jack+LemmonWell, I have. The desired terms are right there in the page's address -- so if a reader clicks on a link and ends up at a Grumble article, we can often tell what they were looking for when they got here. And boy, am I upset. Because I just looked at the server logs, and man, our readers are weird.
The top 5 search terms that brought people to Grumble: Hot chicks. Predictable. Elfpants' "Wild on the Couch with the Remote" makes reference to E! Channel hostess Jules Asner, who, in the parlance of the street, has got it goin' on. This has helped make this article the most-requested page on Grumble, by a long shot. What's #2? Toots' Love, Sex, and Marriage in the Middle East. It has the word "sex" in it, which draws the attention of all those searches with "arabic" and "sex" in them. And for whatever reason, we get a lot of searches for "arabic" and "sex". Also, lots of searches for "arabic ladies". (Not "women", not "girls", but "ladies". Some very dignified smut-seekers we have out there.) #3 and #4? The Monkey Man of Atlantic City and Beowulf. The former is a recent entrant to the top 5 -- thanks to the recent spat of "news" in India on the so-called Monkey Man. I never would have thought that articles with "Monkey Man" in them would become such hot stuff. The latter is a parody of the Beowulf epic, written by Danno in Grumble's primordial days. Unlucky schoolkids looking for research materials come to Grumble and instead find Anglo-Saxons asking "How do you like them apples?" and clubbing each other with things other than their arms. #5? God Hates Fags. I really hope these Web-searchers are looking for information on hatemongers, and not agreeing with them, but there you are. Now, none of this is to belittle the fine writing which has also contributed to these articles' popularity. But let's be realistic -- sex sells. Sexy sells. Now if only Jules Asner were a lesbian Arab who defeated a Saxon monkey-monster, we'd have Yahoo and Google locked down tight. Those are the overall categories, but here are a few selected individual gems from the server logs: |
It takes all kinds:"having sex with your sister"
And people say the Internet is just for alienated loners! Take a look at these folks, who are using
technology to find new ways to connect with other people.
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So what can we learn from this study?
1. Grumble authors should, in every single article, repeatedly use the word "sex", plus the names of various actresses and starlets, especially Arab ones. 2. There is a surprising demand for more articles about whale vomit perfume. 3. Jules Asner is really, really hot.
yours editorially, |
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