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Bite-sized nuggets of your favorite Webzine
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| Dr. Wombat: |
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Since the Gulf War, CNN corespondant Wolf Blitzer has
led the pack of Silly Named Journalists, with Cokie
Roberts a very distant second.
In a stunning upset, a relative unknown has emerged onto the national scene and stolen the title. The new king of the hill? NBC Olympic Gymnastics play-by-play man Al Troutwig. |
| The Big Jew: |
| When I call Verizon (my local phone company), and go through many phone menus, one of the things the recorded voice tells me is this: "During this call, we may ask you some questions about Verizon services. This will have no affect on the services we provide." Why are they bothering to ask questions if the results of their surveys will be ignored? |
| Fajitas: |
| How awesome is it that in the year 2000, the dawn of the Computer Age, the Era of Information, the entire world has to sit around while they hand-open ballots to find out who is going to be running the country? |
| The Big Jew: |
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I am very tall. Taller than you think. And in most normal rows in
airplanes, my legs get cramped. (In fact, a similar situation on a bus once
was actually the origin of my pen-name, The Big Jew.) So whenever I fly, I
ask for the emergency exit row.
Now observe this illustration. This is taken from the How-To-Survive-A-Crash page on a Lufthansa flight I took from New York City to Munich, Germany. Here I am, about to fly across the ocean, sitting in the emergency exit row I asked for, and the in-flight survival guide is illustrating how SOME BIG JEW is taking the responsibility of the emergency exit hatch.
Please also notice in figure 6 that the person escaping the plane is not the Jew who was so helpful in figure 5. (Please also notice that the crashed plane is actually on the ground, and that even though people are supposed to exit via the emergency hatch, there is no ladder, no inflatable slide. In fact, they are, according to the red line, supposed to jump to the ground.) A little frightening, no? |
| Fish: |
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A post-Halloween eat-the-leftovers thought:
Why exactly did they invent M&M Mini's? Were the originals somehow too unwieldly? |
| The Big Jew: |
| Would The Beatles have been as popular with the correct spelling? I mean, a band called The Beetles gives me visuals that don't associate well with the classic rock genre that boys from Liverpool accomplished. |
| Elfpants: |
| A friend of mine recently was forced to miss my 30th birthday party because she had to attend a reunion which had mutated, in her words, "into a gala." It should surprise no one that this event occurred inside the Beltway - only Washingtonians have the sheer gall to use "gala" as a noun. Even New Yorkers and Californians have the common linguistic decency to use the word as an adjective, gifting us (and the entertainment media) with "gala affairs." On the other hand, a "gala affair" always seemed to me to involve sleeping with another man's wife after hanging streamers. |
| The Big Jew: |
| Why do we call it "taking a dump"? I don't want to take it -- I want to leave it behind. |
