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Elfpants

Elfpants

Elfpants is the guy you always wanted to be "just friends" with. Some day, no doubt, they'll say of him "He was a quiet boy. Never troubled anyone. Always very polite. Can't imagine why he went up on that water tower." Don't make eye contact with him and don't show fear; it's safer that way.
 

Recent articles:

January 25, 2004

Only You Can Prevent Dinocide

As if having walnut-sized brains wasn’t bad enough.

May 16, 2003

Mashed Notes

A mish-mash of literary knickknacks.

February 18, 2003

Mr. Paperback Writer

Humility is always a best-seller.

October 11, 2002

My Penis Is Just Fine, Thank You

Elfpants informs the Internet.

July 30, 2002

Episode II: Electric Naboogaloo

New Hope or New Crap?

June 10, 2002

You Know What They Say About the Size of a Critter’s Feet…

Elfpants gets wild and shaggy, since you know what they say…

January 8, 2002

My Heavy Metal Band Can Kick Your Heavy Metal Band’s Ass

He’s got ümläuts, and he’s not afraid to use them.

August 30, 2001

Stream of Consciousness

Please keep your head and hands inside the ride at all times.

July 13, 2001

Lovin’, Touchin’, Wheezin’

Don’t stop believin’ in a better playlist.

June 6, 2001

I’ll Think of the Title Last

Elfpants… uh….

February 28, 2001

A Cross-Stitch in Time

Knit one, pearl two, flee in terror three.

December 13, 2000

Ice Ice Baby

Get divebombed by a bull!

December 7, 2000

I Think He’s Going to Steam It!

Gustatory “Mortal Kombat”.

November 9, 2000

How the Bloody Hell Did I Turn Into This Old Guy?

Elfpants wonders.

September 7, 2000

Aiiieeeeee3!

New meaning to “out-gross Hollywood”.

March 24, 2000

Oy! Beer Man!

Liquid diet.

February 25, 2000

You Want I Should Cyber?

e-gevalt!

October 5, 1999

On the Road Again

Drive yourself crazy.

August 16, 1999

Wild on the Couch with the Remote!

The true value of entertainment.

June 28, 1999

M Is For “Matrix, Mummy and Mindless”

Movie Madness!

The Rules of Science Fiction

Elfpants lays it all out, genre by genre, explosion by explosion.

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